BACHELORETTE RECAP: Undies, break dancing and otters
AS THE first episode of The Bachelorette kicked off last night, we watched as Sophie Monk was hit with 18 different men hoping to win her heart.
No wait, she was hit with undies.
In the face.
Yes, you read that correctly.
On night one of The Bachelorette, Sophie was hit in the face with a pair of undies.
What did she do to deserve a man's underwear launched through the air like a slingshot in her direction?
Let's journey back to how the evening started.
Just as a side note: Are we just going to ignore the fact that Sophie Monk only has 18 men while Matty J had his pick of 22 women?
As my colleague Carlie Walker brought to my attention - the difference in numbers is the equivalent to gender pay gap.
Sophie was greeted by the men as they exited the limo one by one and the introductions didn't disappoint.
There were horses, magic, break dancing with a boom box (I hope we don't see that again), jewellery, musical performances and a man with a man bun who brought his three nephews to make Sophie swoon - good move Uncle Sam.
For me, one man stood out in particular and he came in the form of a silver fox who wanted to make sure Sophie was "there for the right reasons" - I'm looking at you, Ryan.
Don't worry about making her smile or find out what her favourite colour is - jump straight to the hard questions and make her uncomfortable.
He obviously knows how women work.
Over the course of the show I think my facial expressions changed just as quickly as Sophie's did as we all went on a journey of emotions ranging from "how endearing!" to "you need to chill".
After the construction foreman Ryan, our final bachelor, entered the mansion it was obvious the boys thought Sophie was taking her sweet time to arrive and officially greet them as a group.
In the meantime they did what anyone would do - down the copious amounts of free alcohol on hand.
Now, everyone knows when you chuck 18 guys vying for the attention of one girl in the same room with plenty of sparkly, it's going to be great television.
After what felt like 10 years, Osher poked his head around the corner - we didn't see this but I'm sure it happened - and assessed the atmosphere before revealing to the men he had a "double delight" rose - which made me crave a Turkish delight - which would allow to Sophie to choose one man to take on two single dates.
Sophie entered soon after ready to deliver her speech of the year to the group of bachelors.
Unfortunately we didn't even get a chance to hear the speech and neither did the boys because someone - Ryan, I'm looking at you again - pulled her aside for a chat before she could even utter a word.
Ryan didn't take long to practically claim ownership over Sophie and when three other men came to steal her away they were awkwardly shut down and forced to turn back with their tails between their legs.
It took some time but eventually the other boys had their chance but it was much like watching a flock of seagulls fight each other for that one precious hot chip left on a picnic table.
Next, we were treated to a game of Never Have I Ever and Sophie jumped straight in the deep end with "never have I ever been cheated on".
We don't see a man drink but we do see a man cry.
The topic of cheating obviously struck a cord with bar tender Jourdan, who immediately got teary, prompting Sophie to switch her seat and sit beside him on the couch telling him "it sucks doesn't it?" assuming he had been cheated on.
Jourdan wasn't cheated on ... nor did he cheat.
"She was just insecure," he says with his hand covering his face, tears rolling.
The men look at Sophie, Sophie looks at the men, the men look at Jourdan, Sophie also looks at Jourdan.
We're all as confused as each other.
Whatever happened there obviously worked for the softy, who scored some alone time with Sophie.
But his time was cut short when Sophie's attention was diverted to a mysterious creature first identified as a rat and then an otter (I thought it looked like a ferret) spotted in the swimming pool.
If I'm honest, I'd probably choose to divert my attention to a swimming otter as well.
This is where the controversial undie drama unfolds.
Uncle Sam and Harry decided to take part in a mini dance-off with the loser, decided by Sophie, required to do an "undie run".
Part of Harry's carefully choreographed number was sticking both of his hands down his pants and whipping out his undies.
The adrenaline rush must have been intense because for some reason he thought it would be a good idea to throw them in Sophie's face.
Somehow good old knicker boy won and Uncle Sam stripped down to his long johns, did the run and ended with a dip in the pool.
His package must have withstood the chilly water, because Sam was rewarded with the double delight rose.
Unfortunately Jamie and Chad (I'll be honest - I had to google who they were) didn't make the cut and were sent home, but I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what tonight's episode has to offer.