‘Husband stealer’ wife goes rogue
BREAKING all the rules of the experiment, one Married At First Sight bride has rejected the man she was matched with and made a move on the toxic husband of another woman.
Shock filters around the dining room in Thursday's first booze-fuelled dinner party of the series as Davina goes rogue and slags off her husband Ryan before openly flirting and coming on to Tracey's husband Dean.
"She's crossing the line," the experts tell us as they watch it all unfold on CCTV footage from their lair. It's like Gogglebox but instead of gross recliners and stable tables there's grad dips in psychology.
But before that, we watch Justin and Carly wrap up their honeymoon in Vanuatu by breaking into the grounds of a local school and throwing textas at the children.
Ashley is physically repulsed by Troy.
Nasser doesn't know that you can open car doors from the inside.
And Davina tells Ryan she wants a new husband and then gets furious when he takes offence.
"Go f**k yourself!" she yells when he almost cries over her hurtful admission.
Davina's one of those people who thinks that if she just repeats the nasty thing she's said really slowly then we'll suddenly see everything from her side and apologise.
"IF THERE WAS SOMEONE AT TONIGHT'S DINNER PARTY THAT I WAS INTERESTED IN THAN I WOULD PURSUE THAT," she slowly explains in an attempt to clarify what she thinks is a perfectly reasonable thing to say to her husband.
Things are tense and it makes for an awkward car ride over. They remain silent when, really, there's a myriad topics they could discuss: What Davina's experience was like on Big Brother in 2012, what Davina's experience was like on First Dates in 2016, what other reality shows she has been on in an attempt to kick start a media career, what reality shows she hopes to go on after this one.
At the dinner party, Davina starts ripping on Ryan to anyone who will listen and then tells everyone she had hate-sex with him.
In perhaps the most genuine moment we've ever seen on this series, psychologist Mel Schilling ditches the respect and openness she's supposed to maintain for her client and openly judges Davina.
"Oh my god," she groans.
Suddenly, Dean and Tracey enter and Davina is instantly turned on by the heady combination of sexism and a sport coat.
From here on in, Davina refers to Dean as "Deano" even though that has never been his name and no one has ever called him that.
"Mmm, do you work out Deano? Mmmmm I feel like you're a footy player, mmm see the size of those hands, mmmm," she says to Dean and that's an actual transcript.
"Mmmm I can't wait 'til we all live together, mmm we can all sleep with each other," she adds, winking at no one in particular.
Meanwhile, Sean still isn't into Jo and she's only now starting to take the hint. She really only began to sense things were off this morning when she found Sean's wedding ring in the bin for the seventh day in a row.
The realisation makes us see a new side to Jo. She's not her upbeat self. Instead, she's glum. It's like Aldi just offered Dyson vacuums as a Special Buy and she has been waiting outside the store since 5am to score one but just as the doors open, some b*tch swoops in and snags them all in a mass purchase.
Down the other end of the table, Dean tells the boys he's not all that into his wife Tracey and he'd probably prefer to be with Davina because she's taken the time to appreciate his hand size.
Suddenly, Davina decides to drag Carly and Ashley into a makeshift ladies lounge to b*tch about Ryan more and thirst over Dean.
"I was having the s***test time. I think Deano is an absolute babe," Davina gushes while the others try figure out who Deano is. "When it comes to stealing husbands, there's only one I want to steal."
This admission lands with a thud and everyone immediately judges Davina.
Carly gets all Charlotte York.
Mel Schilling deregisters herself from the Psychology Board of Australia because the desire to openly judge her patient is far too strong to resist.
And I look at Davina like that kid who had a texta thrown at him.
For more observations on Charlotte York and being judged by your therapist, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir