MY SAY: Turning the other cheek on nudist beaches

I HAVEN'T tuned in to all the kerfuffle about the lack of a legal nudist beach on the Coast.

It's been a tricky subject for so long now I just yawn and go ho hum.

However, someone emailed me and asked me to put my witty and humorous spin (said modestly) on nakedness on the beach.

So here goes for what it is worth.

I have been on many beaches around the world where nakedness is de rigueur.

I don't know if they were legal nude beaches, probably not, they were just beaches where a great number of people liked to get their gear off.

In Europe, mostly in Greece, I found the Germans and the Dutch were very fond of alfresco nakedness.

They seemed to have no inhibitions about their bodies no matter the shape or size, and good for them I say. If they wanted to show their bits and bobs to me, who was I to turn the other cheek (a swim-suited covered cheek in my case).

The one thing I did not like about it though ... and this was the killer ... most beaches in Greece are packed to capacity in the summer time.

People do not have the advantage of acres of sand like we have where the nude person can sit a discreet distance away from the swim-suited person.

Averting eyes on the Greek beaches was always a challenge when rows and rows of people were in front of and behind you.

Lying on your back, focussing fiercely on a book did the trick for a time - until you had to turn over or suffer sunstroke.

The turn involved a careful shifting of the body onto the stomach with eyes squeezed tightly closed, adjusting your position on your belly and groping like a blind person for your book while trying desperately not to open the eyes because if you did you would be confronted with a body part just a few inches away and in your direct eye line, a part that should never be permitted to see sunlight.

The eyes inevitably opened every time. Horror. Pure horror.

The Greek Island of Lesbos has long attracted gay lady tourists from all over the world. I don't know if it still does now that it has been invaded by sad refugees, but when I visited years ago its main beach of Skala Eressos was packed with naked gay ladies - and one man, my husband.

He stood out alarmingly on that beach - hirsute and beefy and burly amongst so much feminine naked flesh.

He was horribly uncomfortable the first day, until the ladies began anointing each other with lotions, then he seemed to settle. Can't think why.

Now I visit a beach every year called Psarou Bay on the Greek Island of Mykonos, a most fashionable beach where all the beautiful young things are covered - admittedly in tiny swimwear - but covered. It is so much prettier, definitely more alluring, absolutely more exciting and far sexier than naked flesh.

The only naked (topless) person on that crowded beach every year is an 80-year-old woman from Luxemburg who loves the sun.

So I really don't care about naked beaches on the Sunshine Coast, do your thing, be yourself, but please, please, don't play beach games...especially tunnel ball.

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